SURRENDERING TO HAPPINESS – the art of lettng go!

What is it? It is an inner state of energy… we all experience it from time to time. We all want to be happy, don’t we? But how do you do that? It all starts by wanting to experience that feeling. 

So, let’s ask the question – what makes us happy? And we all would probably say ‘getting what I want’. If we get what we want, we’d be in this wonderful state of ‘oh wow! This is magical, I got what I want’. But what happens when we do not get what we want? Then we say to ourselves ‘this is messed up, why can’t I get what I want’? ‘I can’t handle this’. So, if we are doing something to get what we want, nothing is wrong with that, but unfortunately the world does not unfold that way all the 'me…the weather changes, people change, all kind of things change. We have no control over that. They are all happening because of the science of cause and effect. But there are two aspects to that, one is the outer world, and one is the inner world. We can try to change the outer world by buying cash cars, getting degrees, buying a certain house, so if I get what I want, then I will be happy. So, what is the probability of getting what you want every time? Maybe if you are lucky, you can count those experiences on one hand. And then how long did it last?

There is a law of diminishing returns – the more you get something, the less it feeds you. So, to go out there and say ‘the only way to be happy is to get what I want, is a losing situation…because you can't always get what you want and even if you do, as we already know the returns are not going to be the same and the truth is that we too change what we think is going to make us happy. 

Gettng what you want is overrated. So, let’s look at the other side of the equation – who decided what you want – you did – and how did you come up with that decision? If you decide that to feel happiness you must get the outside world to do what you want, we already know that it changes all the time and there are diminishing returns, so then the question remains – how did I decide what I want?

Skinner says ‘Man is a product of his learned experiences’. So, your psyche is the sum of your learned experiences, so you are programmed by your experiences. And that can change, because your experiences change all the time. This is conditional happiness, and it is an addiction.
So, you can ask yourself ‘how did I come up with this list of what I want? Is this what I really want? But you just said that you want to be happy! That is a totally transcendent way of being happy, and it has got nothing to do with getting what you want. If you feel real joy inside of you, then it’s there all the time, and it’s not dependent on changes in the weather or people or circumstances.

The truth is when you get what you want, an energy opens up. Life is happening by itself, not because of you. The question should then be ‘what happens if I like everything that happens?’ Isn’t that easier? This is called unconditional happiness. And it is not dependent on what happens on the outside. When you have decided that this or that is the only thing that can make you happy, you have limited yourself to a tiny slice of the pie.

It’s about working on your inner world and a commitment to be happy. It is a matter of saying to yourself, independent of the weather, this person or that person, this circumstance or that circumstance, I choose joy and happiness. Because when you choose joy and happiness, your energy changes and your whole world looks brighter.

This is based on Michael Singer’s book ‘The Untethered Soul’